I am a self professed "flip-flopper." And I am unapologetic about it. I can feel both ways about things, sometimes simultaneously. That's because I'M HUMAN! People who feel the need to keep their opinion because it's the opinion they've always had bore me to death. Beat it, punks.
So when American Idol launched in 2002 with Paula Abdul as a judge, I was first on line to scoff at it. "Paula Ab-who'l? Where'd they find her?" That's not a literal quote, but it was certainly my frame of mind at the time.
As the seasons passed, so did my rekindled love for the lady whose song I used to swing from the rafters to at the SAE house at Bucknell University. #Takemyrunonsentence. "Straight Up" rocked my 18 year old world. And now fifteen years later, I loved her all over again. Do not take my Paula away. I hung on her every fopa. She made American Idol essential to watch TV.
Now she's gone and I'm left to follow @PaulaAbdul on twitter. She's not nearly as unpredictable, irrational or quirky. She tweets really generic "don't worry be happy" type tweets. And there's no interaction between her and Simon. Don't try to comfort me with rumors of her being on whatever the new Simon show is. Until it happens, I'm inconsolable. Just let me be.
When they announced her departure whenever that was (I was in a hormone haze from pregnancy/birth and still am), I quit the show. It was over for me. It could never be the same.
Until they announced.......ELLEN! I love Ellen! I've always loved Ellen. She's "laugh out loud" funny to me, and not many people or things are. "Arrested Development" is laugh out loud funny. Sarah Silverman is laugh out loud funny as often as she isn't at all (an example of my flip flopp-edness) And Ellen. At least old Ellen was laugh out loud funny. Ellen nowadays has gotten a little bizarre. The crying over the puppy incident that I could barely follow because it made me uncomfortable to watch was a little bizarre. But my love and appreciation for Ellen could overcome that strange incident. Oh, and Anne Heche. I could overcome that too. The news of her replacing Paula Abdul was acceptable to me. I was willing to watch with an open mind.
But here's my first question: Why couldn't they get rid of Kara?
I don't care if she's a songwriter or a producer. She's a cheese dog. I mean, c'mon. She's no LINDA PERRY. Now that would have been a bad-ass, cool judge to add to the panel. That I'm into. But this Kara girl. I just don't care. I don't care I don't care. She's not Paula. She's not Linda Perry. She's gotta go.
Here's my second question: Why isn't Ellen being FUNNY?
We don't need a serious Ellen. That Kara is serious enough for the whole panel. She's so serious she should be her own Sunday morning talk show. For crissakes.
Ellen needs to cut the crap. She needs to stop judging. We don't need her judgments. Simon tells the truth. Kara takes herself seriously. Rand(om)y talks about Journey. And Ellen needs to be FUNNY. Just say funny things. Every time it's your turn.
That's what I need from Ellen.
